What once was the original Starcraft Outakes
by DarkPaladin
Summary: This was the very first of my insane outakes. For some reason this fic was taken off the net! I don't know why, so I'm trying it again, hopefully if anybody takes it off again they'll put the 'main' reason why. R&R!!


Starcraft Outtakes

By: DarkPaladin

||Scene 1: Female Protoss||

(Archon upon world of Shakuras, reading its line)

Archon: "Upon the night, the darkness overwhelms us, the power overwhelming…"

Director- "Cut!! Perfect!! The scene is done!!!"

Tech Crew- "(in background) Cut off the fog effects."

(Fog barrier around Archon diminishes, and Archon screams and covers itself)

Tech Crew- "Woops…"

Raynor- "(In background) Eh, heh heh. Why didn't you guys tell me the Archon is female?"

Inf. Kerrigan- "……"

||Scene 2: Warcraft in Space?||

(Scene take place at Battle of Braxis, Artanis, Zeratul, Executor and Inf. 

Kerrigan standing around before battle. Executor is poking Artanis to annoy 

the young templar)

TAKE one

Artanis- "Hey, what do I look like, an Orc?"

(Executor is still tapping him)

Artanis- "This is not Starcraft in…Oops…"

Zeratul- "Sigh…"

TAKE two,

Artanis- "This is not Command and Conq--…did it again…"

Executor, Zeratul, and In. Kerrigan: "……"

TAKE three,

Artanis- "This is not Warcraft in DOOM….shit!!"

Zeratul and In. Kerrigan: "IT'S MUCH MORE SOPHISTICATED!!!"

(Suddenly, Orc Grunt from Warcraft II comes out, and looks at scene)

Orc: Uhhhh…….

||Scene 3: Nothing to do today…||

(Scene is in the level "Psi Disruption," Raynor, Fenix (in Dragoon), Duran, 

and Inf. Kerrigan all standing around)

Director: "You all did a very good job today, however, we regret to inform 

you, the script was lost and we cannot proceed with any more scenes."

Raynor: "Then what should we do?"

Tech Crew: "(O.S.) I know what to do…."

(Somebody pushes Inf. Kerrigan into Raynor hard enough to send there 

faces too close. They get into lip-lock.)

Duran- "Whoa, deep kiss there!!"

Fenix- "Turn it on, Jim!!"

Raynor- "(Finally letting go) WHAT THE HELL…."

Tech Crew- "I love my job…"

||Scene 4: Bathroom Break||

(Scene takes place in "Psi Disruption" Raynor, Fenix (in Dragoon), Duran, 

and Inf. Kerrigan all standing around)

Fenix- "I shall go down onto the Mel-Korian Combine and watch the…I have 

to go now…"

Raynor- "What?""

Fenix- "(Banging on Dragoon hatch) I need to go to the bathroom, man…"

Duran- "Shit, you messed up the scene!!"

Inf. Kerrigan- "Now we have to do everything all over again!!"

Fenix- "But I need to go, and it is tighter in here than in a SCV!!"

Raynor- "Oh, well, coffee break everybody!!"

(Everybody leaves, but Fenix)

Fenix- "(bangs on hatch again) Uhhhh…Raynor? Kerrigan? Duran?? 

Somebody??? (whiny voice) I have to go…"

||Scene 5: Drunken Stupor||

(Everyone has just finished a coffee and is about to go back to work).

Inf. Kerrigan- "Ok, every one to their places for the next scene, and—Where 

the Hell is Raynor?"

Fenix- "I thought I seen him walk down the hall to where the dressing rooms 

are."

Inf. Kerrigan- "(To herself) Damn it, he'd better not be up to what I think he 

is…I told him we'll do that AFTER work!"

(Just as Inf. Kerrigan starts down the hallway, Raynor comes down, stumbling 

left and right).

Raynor- "(Slow and slured) Why, helooooo Sweet Cheeks."

Kerrigan- "What the Hell? Are you drunk or something?"

Raynor- "I just had a little drink, Snookums"

Kerrigan- "Of what?"

Raynor- "Jack Daniels. I still have some, if—"

Kerrigan- "You pig! Stop thinking of sex all the time!!"

(Off in the background is Fenix, watching and listening to the entire thing).

Fenix- "Heh, too bad for Raynor. He's got to fall in love with a telepath. 

Then again, with Raynor's way of thinking, I should be saying 'Too bad for 

Kerrigan'!"

||Scene 6: The British Invasion||

(Kerrigan is on stage standing next to the Zerg Hive. She's reciting her lines 

when the background suddenly falls over, revealing a Terran attempting to get 

into a Hydralisk costume, and a Zergling reciting lines).

Terran- "God damn it. They have to make these things small. First comes an 

SCV, and now I'm stuffed into a Hydralisk costume! I have GOT to talk to 

my agent!"

Zergling- "(In British, non-hissy accent) Oh, stop your complainin, will you? 

I've got to practice on my growls, and I can bloody well do it with a sod like 

you complaining as if there's no tomorrow! Now please, shut the bloody Hell 

up!! (Shakes head, then puts hand over his chest, looks into a mirror, and 

clears his throat) Ah-hem! Growwwwl!!! Grrrrowwwwwl!!!!"

||Scene 7: Be back in 5||

(Scene takes place during "Dark Protoss." Inf. Kerrigan lands down upon the 

basin to meet Tassadar.)

Inf. Kerrigan: "(growling) All right Protoss, this ends……WHAT THE 

HELL IS THIS!?!?!"

(Camera pans over to direction of what Inf. Kerrigan is looking at. There is a 

giant plush toy of Tassadar, hanging by a branch nearby. On the chest is a 

note that says, "Be back in five minutes.")

Inf. Kerrigan: "TASSADAR!! YOU ASSHOLE!!!"

****


End file.
